Title: The Bakkian Chronicles: The Prophecy
Author: Jeffery M. Poole
Publisher: Publish America (overpriced defunct paperback) , Create Space (paperback), or J. M. Poole (free ebook)
ISBN: 978-1456043049 (overpriced defunct paperback), 978-1477400630 (paperback), or ASIN: B004LB4TL0 (free ebook)
Special Note: The author had a falling out with Publish American who was overcharging and under-representing, regained his book and kicked Publish American to the curb and made the book available for free.
An Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure; the main characters, Steve and Sarah, find themselves thrust from our world into the midst of a world of wonder and magic. There they discover that not only do they have powers themselves but that they play a central role in a centuries old prophecy. To save the life of the young prince they must master their powers and seek out a master dwarf blacksmith in order to go home, taking the prince to safety with them.
The story is fast-paced and frolicsome. Overall, it is a fun, interesting story, that shows a lot of promise. I say promise because there are a number of editing problems. However, if the problems were resolved the story would move well past promise towards excellence. I do recommend this novel, but with the stipulation that the reader be warned that it is currently less than perfect.
That said, what follows are some of the problems (from most important to nit-picky) I noticed:
The primary problem is word overuse - using a "Visible" word numerous time in a relatively small space, "invisible" words ("said" for example) are exempt from this - namely where the author stated something happened "instantly" or someone did something "while simultaneously" doing something else. Most of the time the overused words can simply be omitted without sacrificing the feel of the sentence.
Late tags or no tags: as the story is written in Third Person Semi-Omnisceient Unlimited the point of view can change from sentence to sentence, but often the new character's point of view is not identified beyond a "he/she" until the point of view is ready to change. Also at times, when multiple characters are speaking, lines of dialogue are left untagged leaving the reader to guess who is speaking.
McGuffins galore!: The main characters are presented with magic items where time is taken to explain the item and its virtues, but the item is either not used or not pertinent to the story. A McGuffin is such an item. In series, this is more forgivable as the item can be used and play a central role in one of the future books. In stand-alones, however, it is faux pas.
Some knowledge confusion: at one point Sarah reminds Steve that he had wanted to move, however the narrative did not have Steve telling Sarah this only thinking it. Also at one point Sarah has to explain what a slingshot is to medieval troops, because they didn't know, however, the prince had a slingshot several chapters earlier and had notably used it on them. In one case a character stated that they hadn't thought of something, but only a few pages before they had, and they wanted to ask someone about it too. This is an easy trap for an author to fall into, as they know the whole story and all possible scenes what was or was not really written may get blurred.
Authority figures sans leadership skills: The Captain of the Guard defers to persons without military experience, and his men often act undisciplined.
Unchildlike child: The Prince is described as a small child, however his dialogue is often that of a teen. The saving grace is that no age is given. The dialogue goes against the child's behavior as he often acts as a five or seven year-old.
And lastly, things that should take a while don't. Steve is apprentice to a master blacksmith and naturally gets the hang of it enough to be trusted with the forging of a sword. Or the construction of an intensely powerful magic item takes days, but full suits of armor that fit perfectly without measuring and an almost magical armored gown take less than a day.
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