let’s hold a contest

hold a contest, that's what we'll do
to see who's more petty, me or you
you hold your breath till you turn blue
and I'll bawl and whine that it's not true
and then when the world comes to see
we'll make them chose between you and me
you'll pout and cry that it's not fair
and I'll shout that I only did it on a dare
we'll keep track of who's right and wrong
we'll even record who's weak and strong
and in the end, then we'll know
who's the best and who's so-so
so let's hold a contest, you and I
the loser can just crawl off and die
we'll tout our virtues and our vices
ask each other, "don't you know what lice is?"
I'll hit you, and you hit me
we'll see how petty we can be
and in the end we'll know it's true
no one but no one is pettier than you