Title: Abby the Witch
Author: Odette C. Bell
Publisher: Smashwords
ISBN: N/A BN ID: 2940033047406
Abigail Gail, Abby for short, fresh out of training is the newly appointed witch to a city/kingdom that has banned witches on pain of death. Years pass and slowly Abby is starving to death as she tries to do her duty in the background, until a storm of epic proportions comes blowing in. Abby goes out in the storm to save a drowning man, and they both get blown back in time. Once there they face the problem of getting back to their time and the moral conundrum of whether or not they should fix the problems that ruined the kingdom and brought the ban on witches.
The copy I read was beset by that which seems to plague all free or inexpensive ebooks: typos. That said, let's move on.
The story was well told and intended for a younger audience, perhaps early teens. It is a bit of a romance novel. This however does not hamper the tale, but does give it a bit of a foreseen ending. At points it is a bit shallow in that the characters seem to only have a few emotions and swing between them. And the thirty year old sea commander, almost captain, acts like a teenager, as does the witch. This is what leads me to think the target audience is teenagers. Further the characters don't really have to think much to resolve the situation, they are pointed in the right direction and everything conspires to help them on the way, all they have to do is make the right choice. There was one blatant lose thread left blowing at the end, in the beginning the sea commander was told "not to break my window this time", but at no point in the story was he ever faced with a situation where he might have had to. Also the author felt the need to use a faux cussword constantly, even by a character who is stated to never swear. And finally, at one point the main characters introduce themselves with assumed names, but later encounter those who only know them by the fake names and are addressed directly by their correct names with no explanation needed as to the change.
Overall, it is a youth friendly read and rather quick. However it could do with some editing and possibly shortening. While I would tenderly suggest it as a read, I would not fervently urge anyone to read it.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Obamacare... is a tax?
With the 5-4 vote of the Supreme Court, Obamacare is now in full swing and ready to slap the nation silly come 2014 and continue it's escalation of abuse until 2016 when it becomes an annual event. And though I see the contrivance of Obamacare as little more than a social atrocity, the decision of the Supreme Court is more so. Why?
This is because by declaring Obamacare to be valid under the taxation clause of the Constitution the Supreme Court has granted unto the Legislative Branch a new and far reaching power. This power is the power to tax the public into a behavior, or rather tax the public for not doing something. For the nonce, from 2014 forward, we will be taxed for not having health insurance. Silence the arguments about the "social necessity" for a moment and listen, please. This new taxation realm now allows the government to socially engineer the country.
Suppose, a future administration is in favor of green technology. A new tax is passed and suddenly any vehicle that isn't a hybrid or electric is taxed. Houses are taxed for not being solar. Home owners are taxed for not gardening. Or suppose they decide to tax you for not buying some technology, for not going to the doctor, for not going fishing, for not saving money, or even for not spending money. The list of things the government can now tax the public for NOT doing is nigh on endless.
Worse yet, not only has this new idea been introduced to the world, but if the U.S. government begins to utilize this taxation ability without it being struck down by the people then other countries will follow suit. Even without the U.S. government acting on it, the idea is out there now and some government will try to run with it.
This outcome, to my mind, is not hyperbole nor simply excessive negativity, but rather a certain surety that the government, as it currently exists, is a money grubbing organism. And with this new found power will find ways to justify the power's use, but always for the "greater good".
The government must be corrected, and it is the voice of the people that must do it.
This is because by declaring Obamacare to be valid under the taxation clause of the Constitution the Supreme Court has granted unto the Legislative Branch a new and far reaching power. This power is the power to tax the public into a behavior, or rather tax the public for not doing something. For the nonce, from 2014 forward, we will be taxed for not having health insurance. Silence the arguments about the "social necessity" for a moment and listen, please. This new taxation realm now allows the government to socially engineer the country.
Suppose, a future administration is in favor of green technology. A new tax is passed and suddenly any vehicle that isn't a hybrid or electric is taxed. Houses are taxed for not being solar. Home owners are taxed for not gardening. Or suppose they decide to tax you for not buying some technology, for not going to the doctor, for not going fishing, for not saving money, or even for not spending money. The list of things the government can now tax the public for NOT doing is nigh on endless.
Worse yet, not only has this new idea been introduced to the world, but if the U.S. government begins to utilize this taxation ability without it being struck down by the people then other countries will follow suit. Even without the U.S. government acting on it, the idea is out there now and some government will try to run with it.
This outcome, to my mind, is not hyperbole nor simply excessive negativity, but rather a certain surety that the government, as it currently exists, is a money grubbing organism. And with this new found power will find ways to justify the power's use, but always for the "greater good".
The government must be corrected, and it is the voice of the people that must do it.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Short Story Contest
Wednesday, June 27, 2012, a writer's site, Writer's On The Loose, is having their Semi-Annual short story contest. It is open to everyone and the public are the judges. The stories are posted anonymously on the host's column. The story that accumulates the most votes wins.
I've entered it before, and even hosted it on occasion. It's a nice way to showcase your skill and allows people to improve their writing. Plus it exposes people to new ideas and stories. I encourage anyone interested to check it out.
Copyrights are retained by the original author.
I've entered it before, and even hosted it on occasion. It's a nice way to showcase your skill and allows people to improve their writing. Plus it exposes people to new ideas and stories. I encourage anyone interested to check it out.
Copyrights are retained by the original author.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Review: Delver Magic Book I: Sanctum's Breach
Title: Delver Magic Book I: Sanctum's Breach
Author: Jeff Inlo
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
ISBN: N/A ASIN: B0030ZRWW6
Welcome to a world without magic; that is until magic escapes. Ryson Acumen, a freelance scout descended from a race of scouts and living among humans, is sent to investigate an earthquake. Along the way he discovers that myths are real and all of life is about to change. He gathers a group to break into an ancient fortress designed to house the most dangerous magical artifact ever created; their mission: destroy the artifact before it kills everyone.
The story suffers.
First, the main character - and indeed most of them - are romantic in nature. This is something I can tolerate, but really don't want to. The romantic perfection of Ryson - superspeed that prevents anyone from touching him in combat, anyone from escaping him, and the need for time and distance relevance, and an unyielding moral compass - robs the story of so many possible avenues and opportunities that the story becomes predictable.
While the root and basic telling of the story is a compelling read, it suffers repetition. The narrator tells the reader what the characters motivations, thoughts, or actions will be and then has the character actually do or say it. Then the characters are afflicted with the compelling need to preach and then ask "do you understand?" Sadly it seemed more like the writer wanted to convince the reader of an idea rather than lead them there with the story.
It isn't a bad read, but it isn't stellar either. In short it was a four-hundred page (in my epub version) story that could easily have been edited to two-hundred or less.
P.S. - I can't help but wonder if the price (free) and my "auditioning" of new authors (when I've finished the known works of my favorites, I start looking for authors I'm not familiar with and use one of their works as an audition piece) is the only reason I read this. And the next two in the series, too.
Author: Jeff Inlo
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
ISBN: N/A ASIN: B0030ZRWW6
Welcome to a world without magic; that is until magic escapes. Ryson Acumen, a freelance scout descended from a race of scouts and living among humans, is sent to investigate an earthquake. Along the way he discovers that myths are real and all of life is about to change. He gathers a group to break into an ancient fortress designed to house the most dangerous magical artifact ever created; their mission: destroy the artifact before it kills everyone.
The story suffers.
First, the main character - and indeed most of them - are romantic in nature. This is something I can tolerate, but really don't want to. The romantic perfection of Ryson - superspeed that prevents anyone from touching him in combat, anyone from escaping him, and the need for time and distance relevance, and an unyielding moral compass - robs the story of so many possible avenues and opportunities that the story becomes predictable.
While the root and basic telling of the story is a compelling read, it suffers repetition. The narrator tells the reader what the characters motivations, thoughts, or actions will be and then has the character actually do or say it. Then the characters are afflicted with the compelling need to preach and then ask "do you understand?" Sadly it seemed more like the writer wanted to convince the reader of an idea rather than lead them there with the story.
It isn't a bad read, but it isn't stellar either. In short it was a four-hundred page (in my epub version) story that could easily have been edited to two-hundred or less.
P.S. - I can't help but wonder if the price (free) and my "auditioning" of new authors (when I've finished the known works of my favorites, I start looking for authors I'm not familiar with and use one of their works as an audition piece) is the only reason I read this. And the next two in the series, too.
Review: Delver Magic Book II: Throne of Vengeance
Title: Delver Magic Book II: Throne of Vengeance
Author: Jeff Inlo
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
ISBN: N/A ASIN: B0030ZRWY4
The epic of Ryson Acumen continues! The world is newly flush with magic and monsters and everyone is struggling to adapt. In the midst of this turmoil, the King of the dwarves abdicates, and the Queen Mother with the aid of anti-monarchy rebels usurps the throne. She then begins a war of retribution, seeking to avenge the death of her son, who died in the previous book helping to save the world. Ryson learns of her intentions and tries to warn her victims but is too late, but his actions cause the war to escalate bringing other nations. Soon it is the dwarves versus everyone, and it is up to Ryson and his friends to prevent genocide and war.
My opinion of this book is much the same as that of the last: the story suffers.
The characters are romantic by nature. Their perfection, especially that of Ryson, robs the story of much of its potential and even serves as a consistent deus ex machina. This is especially true of Ryson and his preternatural speed: no one can touch him in combat, or escape him, his sense keep people from hiding from or surprising him, and his unfailing moral compass accepts no challenge.
Then comes the tendency of characters to lecture and preach only to follow it up in "do you understand?" If the author wishes to explore a moral problem or an idea, show the reader through the story, guide them. To preach and lecture only serves to detract from the story and rob the reader of interest.
There are some persistent edit errors: using "then" instead of "than" and vice versa, among others.
This story was a good time killer, not bad but not excellent either. If it hadn't been free, I most likely would never have ventured to try it. In a book store or library I would have put it back on the shelf, as I could have perused it first. (I obtained the first three books in the series at the same time and price, and read them all.)
Author: Jeff Inlo
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
ISBN: N/A ASIN: B0030ZRWY4
The epic of Ryson Acumen continues! The world is newly flush with magic and monsters and everyone is struggling to adapt. In the midst of this turmoil, the King of the dwarves abdicates, and the Queen Mother with the aid of anti-monarchy rebels usurps the throne. She then begins a war of retribution, seeking to avenge the death of her son, who died in the previous book helping to save the world. Ryson learns of her intentions and tries to warn her victims but is too late, but his actions cause the war to escalate bringing other nations. Soon it is the dwarves versus everyone, and it is up to Ryson and his friends to prevent genocide and war.
My opinion of this book is much the same as that of the last: the story suffers.
The characters are romantic by nature. Their perfection, especially that of Ryson, robs the story of much of its potential and even serves as a consistent deus ex machina. This is especially true of Ryson and his preternatural speed: no one can touch him in combat, or escape him, his sense keep people from hiding from or surprising him, and his unfailing moral compass accepts no challenge.
Then comes the tendency of characters to lecture and preach only to follow it up in "do you understand?" If the author wishes to explore a moral problem or an idea, show the reader through the story, guide them. To preach and lecture only serves to detract from the story and rob the reader of interest.
There are some persistent edit errors: using "then" instead of "than" and vice versa, among others.
This story was a good time killer, not bad but not excellent either. If it hadn't been free, I most likely would never have ventured to try it. In a book store or library I would have put it back on the shelf, as I could have perused it first. (I obtained the first three books in the series at the same time and price, and read them all.)
Review: Delver Magic Book III: Balance of Fate
Title: Delver Magic Book III: Balance of Fate
Author: Jeff Inlo
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
ISBN: N/A ASIN: B0030ZRWA8
Old enemies return to threaten a world just gaining its feet after the return of magic and monsters. And once again it is up to Ryson Acumen and his gang of friends to save the day. A dark general makes a deal with an evil sorceress gaining an army and the means to conquer mankind. Via a near omnipotent and semi-omniscient sorcerer, Ryson learns of the troubles and of an even greater threat on the distant horizon. Somehow, Ryson must end the scourges before they can grow beyond control.
Once again the story suffers.
The story is romantic in nature. This is normally not a problem, but with this story it is. Ryson, for example, moves with such speed that no opponent can harm him, neither can they escape him, and his unyielding moral compass preventing internal conflict. This positively robs the story of so many possibilities and avenues.
Nearly every chapter features a lecture on destiny and free will. The reader can often skip whole sections of dialogue without missing any of the story. The reader isn't led on the path of exploring the ideas, but is rather battered at every opportunity with it.
Then a number of scenes felt contrived and unnatural to the flow of the story. These scenes served as nothing more than a device to allow later scenes the author wanted to happen to occur. Although, the author did plan ahead and placed the clues and devices he needed in the last chapters in the early ones so that the idea was already in the reader's mind
Again there was rampant word confusion, the most prolific of which was using "then" as "than" and vice versa.
The underlying story, its bones if you will, is an excellent one. However, this telling while not bad, isn't great. It serves as a time killer and reads almost like a transcribed role playing game adventure. If I had encountered the book in a library or bookstore before obtaining it, I would have returned it to the shelf. But as it was free and I was between authors I gave the series a try. Read it if you will, but be forewarned.
P.S. - Strangely, I've become oddly fond of the characters. Perhaps it's an acquired taste. Scary thought.
Author: Jeff Inlo
Publisher: Amazon Digital Services
ISBN: N/A ASIN: B0030ZRWA8
Old enemies return to threaten a world just gaining its feet after the return of magic and monsters. And once again it is up to Ryson Acumen and his gang of friends to save the day. A dark general makes a deal with an evil sorceress gaining an army and the means to conquer mankind. Via a near omnipotent and semi-omniscient sorcerer, Ryson learns of the troubles and of an even greater threat on the distant horizon. Somehow, Ryson must end the scourges before they can grow beyond control.
Once again the story suffers.
The story is romantic in nature. This is normally not a problem, but with this story it is. Ryson, for example, moves with such speed that no opponent can harm him, neither can they escape him, and his unyielding moral compass preventing internal conflict. This positively robs the story of so many possibilities and avenues.
Nearly every chapter features a lecture on destiny and free will. The reader can often skip whole sections of dialogue without missing any of the story. The reader isn't led on the path of exploring the ideas, but is rather battered at every opportunity with it.
Then a number of scenes felt contrived and unnatural to the flow of the story. These scenes served as nothing more than a device to allow later scenes the author wanted to happen to occur. Although, the author did plan ahead and placed the clues and devices he needed in the last chapters in the early ones so that the idea was already in the reader's mind
Again there was rampant word confusion, the most prolific of which was using "then" as "than" and vice versa.
The underlying story, its bones if you will, is an excellent one. However, this telling while not bad, isn't great. It serves as a time killer and reads almost like a transcribed role playing game adventure. If I had encountered the book in a library or bookstore before obtaining it, I would have returned it to the shelf. But as it was free and I was between authors I gave the series a try. Read it if you will, but be forewarned.
P.S. - Strangely, I've become oddly fond of the characters. Perhaps it's an acquired taste. Scary thought.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
What service workers WISH they could do (1)
At some point everyone in the service industries (be it retail, food, or what-have-you) gets fed up with the sense of superiority and condescension they face from their customers. And so at times they would love to have a pre-printed note that they could hand to the customer and simply walk away...
"Dear Sir or Madam,
We 'regretfully' request that you immediately cease frequenting our establishment. This request is being made, as our sales associates have found you to be an obnoxious detriment to humanity.
We thank you for no longer allowing us to serve you. And we hope to never see you again.
Sincerely yours,
Management"
Come to think of it, I think that might be a pretty clever gimmick for a store. People would be trying to get associates to give them one of those cards. :-)
"Dear Sir or Madam,
We 'regretfully' request that you immediately cease frequenting our establishment. This request is being made, as our sales associates have found you to be an obnoxious detriment to humanity.
We thank you for no longer allowing us to serve you. And we hope to never see you again.
Sincerely yours,
Management"
Come to think of it, I think that might be a pretty clever gimmick for a store. People would be trying to get associates to give them one of those cards. :-)
Friday, June 8, 2012
Weight Loss Laziness
Okay, so in no way, shape, or form can I be considered a fitness buff or health food junkie. I like my salts, fats, and sugars way too much. And I have for a while.
But the sad truth is I'm overweight. I suffer from Dunlap Disease; my stomach dun lapped over my belt! (Old joke I know.) At about six foot, I should weigh at most 179 lbs. At least according to the mythical BMI Index. And as popular belief is that your waist should be half your height; I should be a 36 inch waist. (Waist size and pants size are different. Pants tend to be two inches smaller as manufacturers add inches to the stated size.)
Well, since I currently weigh in at 245 lbs with a waist size of 42 inches. So I need toloose lose about 70 lbs and 6 inches.
Why am I posting this tid-bit? Well, people who are held accountable tend to do better. I suppose this will be true even in a little viewed blog. So from time to time, I believe I'll use this to track my progress, or lack thereof, in the weight loss department.
So wish me luck!
But the sad truth is I'm overweight. I suffer from Dunlap Disease; my stomach dun lapped over my belt! (Old joke I know.) At about six foot, I should weigh at most 179 lbs. At least according to the mythical BMI Index. And as popular belief is that your waist should be half your height; I should be a 36 inch waist. (Waist size and pants size are different. Pants tend to be two inches smaller as manufacturers add inches to the stated size.)
Well, since I currently weigh in at 245 lbs with a waist size of 42 inches. So I need to
Why am I posting this tid-bit? Well, people who are held accountable tend to do better. I suppose this will be true even in a little viewed blog. So from time to time, I believe I'll use this to track my progress, or lack thereof, in the weight loss department.
So wish me luck!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Oh, it's you again
Curiosity my old foe
How quickly you defeat me
Though I try, I cannot fight
You are like a beau
You know what makes me me
And entices wrong from right
Why can I not defeat you
I only want to know
What can I ever do
to escape this mental limbo
I cannot win, that is certain
So I'll tame you ere I'm bitten
How quickly you defeat me
Though I try, I cannot fight
You are like a beau
You know what makes me me
And entices wrong from right
Why can I not defeat you
I only want to know
What can I ever do
to escape this mental limbo
I cannot win, that is certain
So I'll tame you ere I'm bitten
Monday, June 4, 2012
Review: The Bakkian Chronicles II: Insurrection
Title: The Bakkian Chronicles II: Insurrection
Author: Jeffery M. Poole
Publisher: Create Space (paperback) or J. M. Poole (ebook)
ISBN: 978-1466388819 (paperback) or ASINL: B005QUVGTS (ebook)
Once again Poole takes through the looking glass on an Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure. The story picks up one year after the Bakkian Chronicles: The Prophecy. Steve and Sarah learn of trouble in magical realm, and rush off to help. They learn that people are have kidnapped the queen leading two nations towards war. Seeking to find out why, they learn more about their powers and why they are exceptional. In the end they learn that they are tools of prophecy to a degree even more so than they imagined. And clues to the true threat are revealed.
The story is fast-paced and frolicksome. Again, it is a fun, interesting story, that shows a lot of promise.There are fewer editing problems than the first, but some new ones cropped up. However, if the problems were resolved the story would move well past promise towards excellence. I do recommend this novel, but with the stipulation that the reader be warned that it is currently less than perfect.
That said, what follows are some of the problems (from most important to nit-picky) I noticed:
The primary problem is word overuse - using a "Visible" word numerous time in a relatively small space, "invisible" words ("said" for example) are exempt from this - namely where the author stated something happened "instantly" or someone did something "while simultaneously" doing something else. Most of the time the overused words can simply be omitted without sacrificing the feel of the sentence.
Late tags or no tags: as the story is written in Third Person Semi-Omnisceient Unlimited the point of view can change from sentence to sentence, but often the new character's point of view is not identified beyond a "he/she" until the point of view is ready to change. Also at times, when multiple characters are speaking, lines of dialogue are left untagged leaving the reader to guess who is speaking.
Deus Ex Machina: The feel of the quest to retrieve the diary towards the end feels contrived solely to answer questions that the author had to answer and used the characters to ask, and the reader wanted to know.
Once again, the professional guards and soldiers are at a loss as to how to behave in military and security matters, deferring those who merely have new magical powers and no military training.
And finally, every time there is to be a fight or danger Steve fights with Sarah about her getting away from danger. Every time. Even when the the guard is on the other side of the door jiggling the handle about to come in and discover them, they have this fight.
Author: Jeffery M. Poole
Publisher: Create Space (paperback) or J. M. Poole (ebook)
ISBN: 978-1466388819 (paperback) or ASINL: B005QUVGTS (ebook)
Once again Poole takes through the looking glass on an Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure. The story picks up one year after the Bakkian Chronicles: The Prophecy. Steve and Sarah learn of trouble in magical realm, and rush off to help. They learn that people are have kidnapped the queen leading two nations towards war. Seeking to find out why, they learn more about their powers and why they are exceptional. In the end they learn that they are tools of prophecy to a degree even more so than they imagined. And clues to the true threat are revealed.
The story is fast-paced and frolicksome. Again, it is a fun, interesting story, that shows a lot of promise.There are fewer editing problems than the first, but some new ones cropped up. However, if the problems were resolved the story would move well past promise towards excellence. I do recommend this novel, but with the stipulation that the reader be warned that it is currently less than perfect.
That said, what follows are some of the problems (from most important to nit-picky) I noticed:
The primary problem is word overuse - using a "Visible" word numerous time in a relatively small space, "invisible" words ("said" for example) are exempt from this - namely where the author stated something happened "instantly" or someone did something "while simultaneously" doing something else. Most of the time the overused words can simply be omitted without sacrificing the feel of the sentence.
Late tags or no tags: as the story is written in Third Person Semi-Omnisceient Unlimited the point of view can change from sentence to sentence, but often the new character's point of view is not identified beyond a "he/she" until the point of view is ready to change. Also at times, when multiple characters are speaking, lines of dialogue are left untagged leaving the reader to guess who is speaking.
Deus Ex Machina: The feel of the quest to retrieve the diary towards the end feels contrived solely to answer questions that the author had to answer and used the characters to ask, and the reader wanted to know.
Once again, the professional guards and soldiers are at a loss as to how to behave in military and security matters, deferring those who merely have new magical powers and no military training.
And finally, every time there is to be a fight or danger Steve fights with Sarah about her getting away from danger. Every time. Even when the the guard is on the other side of the door jiggling the handle about to come in and discover them, they have this fight.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Review: The Bakkian Chronicles: The Prophecy
Title: The Bakkian Chronicles: The Prophecy
Author: Jeffery M. Poole
Publisher: Publish America (overpriced defunct paperback) , Create Space (paperback), or J. M. Poole (free ebook)
ISBN: 978-1456043049 (overpriced defunct paperback), 978-1477400630 (paperback), or ASIN: B004LB4TL0 (free ebook)
Special Note: The author had a falling out with Publish American who was overcharging and under-representing, regained his book and kicked Publish American to the curb and made the book available for free.
An Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure; the main characters, Steve and Sarah, find themselves thrust from our world into the midst of a world of wonder and magic. There they discover that not only do they have powers themselves but that they play a central role in a centuries old prophecy. To save the life of the young prince they must master their powers and seek out a master dwarf blacksmith in order to go home, taking the prince to safety with them.
The story is fast-paced and frolicsome. Overall, it is a fun, interesting story, that shows a lot of promise. I say promise because there are a number of editing problems. However, if the problems were resolved the story would move well past promise towards excellence. I do recommend this novel, but with the stipulation that the reader be warned that it is currently less than perfect.
That said, what follows are some of the problems (from most important to nit-picky) I noticed:
The primary problem is word overuse - using a "Visible" word numerous time in a relatively small space, "invisible" words ("said" for example) are exempt from this - namely where the author stated something happened "instantly" or someone did something "while simultaneously" doing something else. Most of the time the overused words can simply be omitted without sacrificing the feel of the sentence.
Late tags or no tags: as the story is written in Third Person Semi-Omnisceient Unlimited the point of view can change from sentence to sentence, but often the new character's point of view is not identified beyond a "he/she" until the point of view is ready to change. Also at times, when multiple characters are speaking, lines of dialogue are left untagged leaving the reader to guess who is speaking.
McGuffins galore!: The main characters are presented with magic items where time is taken to explain the item and its virtues, but the item is either not used or not pertinent to the story. A McGuffin is such an item. In series, this is more forgivable as the item can be used and play a central role in one of the future books. In stand-alones, however, it is faux pas.
Some knowledge confusion: at one point Sarah reminds Steve that he had wanted to move, however the narrative did not have Steve telling Sarah this only thinking it. Also at one point Sarah has to explain what a slingshot is to medieval troops, because they didn't know, however, the prince had a slingshot several chapters earlier and had notably used it on them. In one case a character stated that they hadn't thought of something, but only a few pages before they had, and they wanted to ask someone about it too. This is an easy trap for an author to fall into, as they know the whole story and all possible scenes what was or was not really written may get blurred.
Authority figures sans leadership skills: The Captain of the Guard defers to persons without military experience, and his men often act undisciplined.
Unchildlike child: The Prince is described as a small child, however his dialogue is often that of a teen. The saving grace is that no age is given. The dialogue goes against the child's behavior as he often acts as a five or seven year-old.
And lastly, things that should take a while don't. Steve is apprentice to a master blacksmith and naturally gets the hang of it enough to be trusted with the forging of a sword. Or the construction of an intensely powerful magic item takes days, but full suits of armor that fit perfectly without measuring and an almost magical armored gown take less than a day.
Author: Jeffery M. Poole
Publisher: Publish America (overpriced defunct paperback) , Create Space (paperback), or J. M. Poole (free ebook)
ISBN: 978-1456043049 (overpriced defunct paperback), 978-1477400630 (paperback), or ASIN: B004LB4TL0 (free ebook)
Special Note: The author had a falling out with Publish American who was overcharging and under-representing, regained his book and kicked Publish American to the curb and made the book available for free.
An Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure; the main characters, Steve and Sarah, find themselves thrust from our world into the midst of a world of wonder and magic. There they discover that not only do they have powers themselves but that they play a central role in a centuries old prophecy. To save the life of the young prince they must master their powers and seek out a master dwarf blacksmith in order to go home, taking the prince to safety with them.
The story is fast-paced and frolicsome. Overall, it is a fun, interesting story, that shows a lot of promise. I say promise because there are a number of editing problems. However, if the problems were resolved the story would move well past promise towards excellence. I do recommend this novel, but with the stipulation that the reader be warned that it is currently less than perfect.
That said, what follows are some of the problems (from most important to nit-picky) I noticed:
The primary problem is word overuse - using a "Visible" word numerous time in a relatively small space, "invisible" words ("said" for example) are exempt from this - namely where the author stated something happened "instantly" or someone did something "while simultaneously" doing something else. Most of the time the overused words can simply be omitted without sacrificing the feel of the sentence.
Late tags or no tags: as the story is written in Third Person Semi-Omnisceient Unlimited the point of view can change from sentence to sentence, but often the new character's point of view is not identified beyond a "he/she" until the point of view is ready to change. Also at times, when multiple characters are speaking, lines of dialogue are left untagged leaving the reader to guess who is speaking.
McGuffins galore!: The main characters are presented with magic items where time is taken to explain the item and its virtues, but the item is either not used or not pertinent to the story. A McGuffin is such an item. In series, this is more forgivable as the item can be used and play a central role in one of the future books. In stand-alones, however, it is faux pas.
Some knowledge confusion: at one point Sarah reminds Steve that he had wanted to move, however the narrative did not have Steve telling Sarah this only thinking it. Also at one point Sarah has to explain what a slingshot is to medieval troops, because they didn't know, however, the prince had a slingshot several chapters earlier and had notably used it on them. In one case a character stated that they hadn't thought of something, but only a few pages before they had, and they wanted to ask someone about it too. This is an easy trap for an author to fall into, as they know the whole story and all possible scenes what was or was not really written may get blurred.
Authority figures sans leadership skills: The Captain of the Guard defers to persons without military experience, and his men often act undisciplined.
Unchildlike child: The Prince is described as a small child, however his dialogue is often that of a teen. The saving grace is that no age is given. The dialogue goes against the child's behavior as he often acts as a five or seven year-old.
And lastly, things that should take a while don't. Steve is apprentice to a master blacksmith and naturally gets the hang of it enough to be trusted with the forging of a sword. Or the construction of an intensely powerful magic item takes days, but full suits of armor that fit perfectly without measuring and an almost magical armored gown take less than a day.
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